How easy is it for you to express yourself in the face of someone reacting? To bring up a difficult subject even knowing it might create separation instead of connection? Do you care? Do you speak anyway? Do you withhold, praying ‘if I ignore it, it will go away’?
One of my fears is I will hold back and not speak my truth, to appear to be agreeable, in order to ‘maintain the peace’ and avoid conflict. If I am withholding to maintain peace, then that means I am seeking the guise of harmony through disharmony within myself…not true harmony…nor is it being honest. If I speak my truth, even when it is difficult and I express myself as consciously as I can, it is possible the other person might still react in a disharmonious way based on their perception.
I understand I am not responsible for their reaction, but somewhere along the way I got it wired that I will pay for speaking my truth. That I will be treated poorly. That I will be shut out…abandoned. That I will somehow be punished…persecuted…you get the picture. All that mind frick is from the past. Not the present.
The truth in this present moment is that when I am honest, even fearing the worst, I feel better about myself. When I feel better about myself I am feeling harmonious. Sure that’s not to say that fear doesn’t come up, or that my heart isn’t pounding in the face of that fear. What it means is I do it despite my fear. I create harmony within myself by living up to my commitments and being in my integrity.
Feeling the reward of that, I recognize it is worth taking the chance. Even so, speaking up will sometimes create discord at first. Rest assured, the discord won’t last forever and I know I will be respected for it long after, beginning now with self-respect. So, I take the chance, put the ghosts to rest, speak my truth and live in harmony within myself.
What about you? Are you willing to take the chance to be authentic and live in harmony within yourself?